26-03-25 – Reflection Journal

Yesterday, I didn't manage to get anything down on paper, but I did make progress in other ways. I shared the core outline of the ADHD escape room project with Dodi and Amanda—trying to bring them on board as collaborators.

I opened up to them about how I tend to take everything on myself, needing control, needing to do it all alone. But I trust them. Dodi seems to see things similarly to me, while Amanda has a very different perspective. Interestingly, even when I was trying to be balanced, Amanda commented that I have a very black-and-white way of seeing things. At the time, I didn't think I was being extreme, so it was helpful—and a bit confronting—to hear that. Sam, or maybe it was Bodie, said they think I'm "bonkers." Fair enough. Some of these ideas—like integrating the Fibonacci sequence—are very me. But they're mine, and I care about them.

Separately, I got a message from Joe asking for a more "printable" version of the training. I'm not totally sure what she meant—maybe a handout or outline? I explained that I'm making major changes to the structure based on a backlog of actions and feedback, so I don't yet have a detailed breakdown of how it will run. But I'm working on it. I need to start getting things out of my head and into something concrete.

One significant moment yesterday was working with a student who's struggling badly—behavioral issues, low engagement. I found out he's on a waiting list for an ADHD diagnosis. I spent time with him helping him plan and understand his patterns. We talked about what a diagnosis could mean, about the symptoms, and how awareness can lead to strategy.

He kept calling himself "stupid" and "lazy." He said he doesn't feel like he fits in, doesn't feel like he's going anywhere. He compared himself to friends who are doing better and saw himself as a failure. It was heartbreaking. Classic signs of unsupported ADHD: internalised shame, self-hatred, and disconnection.

After our conversation, he told me it was the most useful one he's had in his life—and even repeated that to my boss. That moment reaffirmed why this training matters. We need people in this college who can see and support these learners. Staff who understand that what looks like defiance or laziness is often pain and confusion. This student didn't even know what ADHD symptoms actually were. That lack of understanding—on both sides—is exactly what I'm trying to address.

I've been wondering if we also need a student-facing version of this training. Not the same as what I'm designing now, but a spin-off. That would require a different tone—more gentle, more directly empowering. It's not something I'm ready to dive into yet, but it's on my radar.

For now, I'm designing something for staff—professionals who already hold Level 5 qualifications. They've studied at least basic educational psychology. Many have encountered Piaget, Vygotsky, Kolb, Skinner. So this work builds on existing foundations—but challenges the application of that knowledge in a new, emotionally resonant way.

I'm still circling back to that frustrating meeting. The assumption that staff don't need to learn about psychology—or worse, that they already know enough—is naïve. This project isn't about theory; it's about application and empathy.

The key difference between training students and staff is this: for students, we aim to help them understand themselves. For staff, the objective is more layered—understand learners, support peers, and reflect on themselves. It's more complex. It needs more care.

Next Steps:

• Keep building the collaborative team—management is finally showing signs of listening

• Push again for data collection from staff to assess current understanding

• Lay down a clear plan (on paper, not just in my head)

• Continue balancing the emotional weight and intellectual framework

• Reframe the creative elements—like the Fibonacci spiral, Red Letters, Tool's "Lateralus"—into structural metaphors rather than aesthetic add-ons